I’m Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

When people let me down, my smiles are replaced with frowns

I think it is my own fault, and fill my wounds with my own salt

My self-esteem falls through the floor, it hurts me through to my core.

And then I pull down deep inside, and from the world I try to hide.

I can not see the good I've done, nor can I see the morning sun

I shun the ones who say they love, and begin to doubt the Lord above

This dreary sadness fills my soul, my heart fills like an empty bowl

If death would come i would not care, for I have nothing left to give or share

While I sit in my room, dwelling in my selfish gloom

I read a passage in my book that to my very bones I shook

I've read this passage many times, but never did I pay any mind.

I kept this message pushed aside, so I could stay within and hide.

But this time when I read my book, my eyes where opened, I took a look

"I am with you, you are not alone" He said in a soft tone.

A peace came over me as I cried, I no longer wanted to die.

Those words rang out in truth and light, magnified my inner sight

As I looked deep inside of me, I saw the person God saw in me

The word of God was clear that day, I bowed my head and began to pray

In His image I was made, knowing this I'm not afraid

Knowing that I'm not alone cause God is my "cornerstone"

I'm armed against depressions trials, I now live with my Saviors smile.

Does any one else ever feel like this? Empty, sad, lonely, depressed.
I have gotten up some days feeling like this. Darkness, like a cloud over my head,
in my soul, and over shadowing the bright morning sun. No interest in the day,
no excitement, or joy. Feeling useless to myself and everyone around me.
Thoughts of all those loved ones who have left me behind, and have gone on to
Glory land.... What a total waste of precious time, gifts, energy, and ministry.
God said in His word, " There is a time for everything and a season for every
activity under the sun..." Ecc. 3:1.
to paraphrase it says a time to be born and die... tear down and rebuild...
weep and laugh...mourn and dance...keep and throw away.... so knowing this,
I share with you, that whatever trial, burden, suffering or trouble you are going through,
This is just a season. When I am in my suffering, depression, etc.. I call that season
Old man Winter, because it is so cold and lonely. When I am rebuilding, throwing away,
etc. I call this Spring because it reminds me of cleaning. When I am dancing, singing,
laughing, this is summer because I am having fun. What ever you are going through
right now just remember this too shall pass for it is a season that God has allowed to
help you grow and learn who He is. It took me a long time to learn this lesson, I
wondered 40 years in the desert on this one Ha! But I didn't go it alone. God sent His
only begotten Son Jesus to walk with on this journey. We matter to God.
"Come to me, all who are weary and I will give you rest." Matt.11:28,
"My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness". 2 Cor. 12:9,
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world".
I could go on and on of His great love for us. "Let us approach the throne of grace
with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us
in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 I matter to God and you matter to God.
God knows when you are going to have days like this. He also uses people to show
how much He loves you. Ever had a bad day and get a card, or a phone call from
someone you care about and they "just had you on their heart"? Or you have someone
on your heart so strong that you had to send a card or call them? That my friend is God.
And I am not alone because God sent my friend Jesus to be with me always, to the end
of my days. I still have my days, when I do I call on Him and He is near.

Moral of this Blog: " Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."Psalms42:5,6

I recieved an email this morning and at the end of the message it read
LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE BREATHS WE TAKE; BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!
I have pondered this thought all day. What has taken my breath away? And my first thought is anytime you hear bad news, a death, a loss of job. Tragady always takes your breath away. I don't want to spend a lot of time on things like that today. I want to think about other times my breath has been taken away.
These are a few of those times for me.......................................................................................................
when I got my first puppy as a child, remember? Eyes light up, month flies open, breath gone. The first time I rode my bike with no training wheels....the moment my dad let go of the seat and I was peddling and balanced....the first time I heard my 4th grade teacher Mrs. Brummett say to me, "Vicki you have won our class writting contest"....the day I didn't hear my named called to sit first chair in 7th grade band because I got beat out by a stupid boy.... the first time I heard John Denver sing... November 22, 1979... my wedding night:)....November 22, 1982 the day my first son was born Chad Micheal Dawson....the day I recieved a call from the appartment managers office and was told it was going to cost me $1500.00 to replace the landscape flowers that my son and his friends picked for Mothers Day bouquet.... June 6th, 1988.....November 22, 1985 the day my son William Bradly was born... the day I was going to Rogers to visit him Mothers Day weekend and heard him on the radio telling a made up story of my most embarrsing momment to win a Mothers Day contest the station was doing and he won the "Throw Your Mama Under The Bus" radio contest... November 14, 2004... that magic moment when I fell in love with my husband and he sill takes my breath away....
What takes your breath away? Ever thought about it?
But one thing I have found that takes my breath away more than anything or anyone is God.
His majesty, His glory, His love and His beauty. We have all seen His beauty...rainbows, roses, butterflies, Spring flowers, Fall leaves, snow and the miracle of birth...to mentiion a few.
Life is full of breath taking moments, we just sometimes forget to appreciate them. I hope you take a moment today to reflect your aha moments, consentrate on the good ones , and remember those that weren't.

Moral of this Blog: "Praise The Lord! I will extol the Lord with all my heart... Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them.Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered..." Psalms 111:1a,2-4a

Repairing Broken Hearts

Repairing Broken Hearts

My heart goes out to those in need

Sometimes I feel so sad.

And other times my anger flares

Mistreatment makes me mad.
I've seen so many broken hearts

More scarred than battered cheek

Abused with sharp and stabbing words

That make their future bleak.
But then through helpless eyes I see

Someone who lends them aid,

And shelters them from evils touch

And makes them not afraid.
Then thanks I give to God above

For those who do their part

Protecting those that stand in need

Repairing Broken Hearts.

I have been feelings down the past several years. I have found an outlet for me to express this anger, confusion and sadness I have felt most of my life. One thing that has saddened me for several years is the homeless that live in our city. They are people whose life has taken a bad turn. They are good people who have had bad luck. The stories they have shared about how they have reach this destination in their lives and the hopelessness they feel, makes my heart hurt. I remember as a child, my grandmother teaching me to always see myself as equal to whom ever I met, no matter their status. Whether they are important business men or homeless, never consider yourself to be more or less, but equal. I found it odd that if I met someone less fortune than me, I was to consider myself to be equal. And when I started to attend school, I was able to fit in with any crowd, the cheerleaders and the drug addicts, the rich and the poor. I was in High School, and there was a family of 9 children who lived on Big Slue Ditch on the east side of town. They all slept in a 2 bedroom house. They had a daughter who attended class with me. Every morning she would come to school smelling of the smoke from the wood that kept her warm the night before, wearing the same clothes she had on the day before and hair that didn't have a silky feel or look about it. Classmates would make fun of her, call her names and laugh at her. I noticed that every day at lunch she sat beside a tree in front of the lunchroom by herself. She never had a packed lunch with her and she never came to eat in the lunch room, she would just sit alone waiting for the bell to ring for her next class. I remember my grandmothers words, "see her as your equal." One day I just decided to be friendly to her, each time I passed her in the hall, saw her in class or anywhere on campus, I would smile and speak. At lunch, I sat down next to her beside her tree, I had packed a lunch that morning to share with her, and began a dialog of conversation. I ask if she would have lunch with me. She seemed rather puzzled, but agreed to eat what I had brought. It was the first time I had seen her smile all year. We enjoyed our sandwich, chips and cupcake, our conversation was brief and we went to class. My friends didn't quit understand why I would hangout with this girl who everyone had condemned to be "trash". I didn't either, I knew my heart hurt for her. When I told my mother about what I had done she said to me, "Vicki, God has given you "compassion"."

Compassion is a virtue that only God can give us. Some are blessed to have it , most are not. Compassion is sometimes a burden that settles heavy on your heart, when you want to help some one and God tells you no, because He wants them right where they are at, to teach them something that only God can. Jesus is a compassionate man, he has a heart for the sick, the lonely, those who are heavy burden and those who are lost. We as believers some how forget about, or loose our compassion for others less fortunate than ourselves. Be become busy, or self absorbed.

I pray I never loose my compassion for other people. That I don't get so busy or self absorbed that I stop caring. That I can always be sensitive to the needs of hurting people that God puts in my path and in my life. I believe it is some of the reasoning behind the losses I have had in my own life. Perhaps it is such a time as this...

Moral of this Blog: " Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness, and patience." Colossians 1:23

Well, I don't know where all this came from, I don't even know if it makes any sense but I feel better just getting it out. I think I'm really going to like this blogging stuff.

Rainy Days On Wednesday Always Get Me Down

I love rainy, cloudy days. We were suppost to clean windows today and can't do them. So I had the day off from work. My plan was to stay in my PJ's, sleep late and hang around the house and read this book I started over a month ago. I have the first chapter memorized because everytime I pick it up I start at the beginning. But God changed my plans . Instead I spent
5 hours driving from the post office to the bank trying to buy a International Money order that can be exchanged from American dollors to England pounds.

Gary and I have a lady who has been living with us for several weeks now. Her name is Maria she is in her late 50's and she is from England. She came to the states for a visit 17 months ago and found herself homeless after a short time here. I met her at the Mission Outreach back in January where she was living. She and I began talking and became friends. I offer her a job to help her with airfare to get her home and she has been working with me since. She met a young lady who was living at the Mission and they became friends and decided they were going to move into an apartment together and share expenses. After putting a deposit on their place,
the other lady decided to go back to her husband so she offered a room to Maria for $50.00 a week. She came to work one day and I ask her why she seemed to be so tired, was she sleeping well in her new place? She told me she had been sleeping on a tile floor on a swimming pool floaty all week because she had no bed. That afternoon I told her she was welcome to come to the house and sleep in our spare room so she could get a good night sleep.
She did. I told Gary about what was taking place and over coffee the next morning he spoke with Maria and told her she was welcome to stay as long as she wished, no charge and she could have Kayla's room. So she did.

She has decided she wants to become a citizen of the great USA and so we have been trying to get her birth certificate from England for the past month. What a hassel! It is going to cost $87.00 to get the birth certificate which is 27.50 pounds in English money. We had already sent a money order 3 weeks ago but recieved it back today with a letter attached that said they can not cash the MO because it was US dollars. So our journey began.

After 4 hours of the bank and the Post Office I stopped the car and told Maria we are getting no where fast and that we need some "Divine Intervention". We prayed and ask God to please help us get something done with this MO. We drove back to the bank and found we were talking to the WRONG PERSON and the right person had it all taken care of in a matter of minutes!!!!

It wasn't the lazy day I had planned for myself, God had other plans for me today. I realized that if I would have just ask Him sooner I could have been home, in my PJ's curled up in bed with my book within an hour.

Moral of this Blog: " Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

This is My First Rodeo

Welcome to the 21st century! Blogging...who came up with this word?
I have heard people like Rosie O'Donnell talk about blogging every day and
News stations tell me to "log on to their blog with an opinon" but never would
I have believed I would be a blogger or have my own blog. I have my own
clog (as it has been called by my little cubbies in awana's) in my aorta. I can see
it being called Blah.. Blah.. Blah.. after all, this is how some people will view
my random rambling. But never the less, here I sit, on my blog, talking to myself.

Weird! Perhaps I will get use to this after I have done this a while.
I am use to talking to myself, just never thought about writing it
down for others to read. Interesting concept, this blogging. I can't help it,
the word clogging keeps popping up in my head....there it's gone.
I guess I just had to type it on my blog to get it out of my head.