Lord Forgive My Temper

Psalms 37

1 Don't worry about the wicked, Don't envy those who do wrong

2 For like grass they soon fade away

Like springtime flowers they soon wither.

3 Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live in the land and prosper.

4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart........

7 Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act

Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

8 Stop your anger! Turn from your rage!

Do not envy others- it only leads to harm.

9 For the wicked will be destroyed,

but those who trust in the Lord will posses the land........

12 The wicked plot against the godly;

they snarl at them in defiance.

13 But the Lord just laughs,

for he sees their day of judgement coming.

Gary and I have been helping a couple for several months now. They have both been in rehab and we believed they were trying to get their life straightened out. They got an apartment, he was working for ARI and she was working with me for several months. We sold them our living room and they were making payments on it until May 27.

We had not heard from them in several weeks so Gary went over to make sure they were OK. He lost his job, she quit hers with me and they were having some difficult times. Gary told them not to worry about us, get their rent paid, utilities etc. and when they got on their feet we would work out a payment arrangement on what they still owed.

Last Saturday Maria and I went to Memphis to meet a dear friend of mine from Charleston who now lives in Jackson, TN while we were in Memphis, Gary went to get him a bite to eat and as he was sitting in line waiting for his food, he watched the wife of the couple, loading the back of a car with our lamps, rugs, and small items. He left with his food and drove across the street to talk to her or him and they would not answer the door for him.

When I returned from Memphis with my friend, Gary didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to mess up our time together. I took her back Sunday evening and returned home, to find him fast a sleep. Monday morning he called me from work to tell me to go get our furniture, and explained why. So I went over with an officer just to find an empty apartment. Her neighbor explained to me that her husband was in jail in Jonesboro, and she is trying to get money together to get him out, so she SOLD OUR FURNITURE that she still owed us $800.00 for $250.00!!!! along with some items that we just let them borrow, a dresser, an inflatable mattress that we use for guest, etc...

Needless to say, Christianity went out the window and flesh came in the door! Now anyone who knows me, understands I am not usually a angry person but in the last few days I have had my dander up a few times. My doctors seem to think that it is a stage of grieving I am going through. Mad. And maybe that is so, but good grief-enough is enough!

Why would anybody do this knowing you still owe money against it and after we have tried to help them that they would do this not just to us but to any one. I have threaten to take it out of her hide, but I know that will serve no purpose but to make me feel better for a little while:) but I am very angry about this, every time I think about it. My husband of 10 years, has never seen me this upset, I think I scared him Monday, he thought he was going to have to bail me out of jail.

But here is were I'm torn.......

Flesh says " beat her black and blue, have her arrested and throw her in jail, garnish her future wages, and file a civil suit." in that order.

Bible says " forgive those who trespass against you...490 times a day ( 7X70).

Fresh says " I am through helping people. Every time I do I get screwed. It always cost me dearly. The evil in people seem to always walk away unscathed. I am going to take care of me from now on and to heck with everyone else, I'm tired of being used!"

I have read Psalms 37 over and over and over again trying to reason with God. We as Christians are suppose to help those in need with out any thing in return, but dad-gummit we are not doormats either! We cant just let people walk all over us, This has really left a bad taste in my mouth but that could be from some of the bad words I've used in my anger }:

I am really struggling with what I am suppose to do. I know what I am suppose to do, but I'm telling you it isn't that easy for me right now. And God knows that. So pray for me, my anger, hurt. I know this is a spiritual warfare that I'm in and unless I get a hold of my temper, satan is going to win and I'm going to be in jail!!!!

If you have been reading my blog at all you can see I have really been struggling with my depression lately. Although our church has really been helping me, just by getting me involved in hospitality, nursery, set up, etc. I can't seem to shake it this time. It just seems the harder I try the harder it gets. I need some good spiritual advice from all who are reading this right now, please. I just need to hear it out loud from some one on the outside looking in. Go to comments at the bottom of this blog and give me your opinion. Yes, I am asking asking for your opinion.

Moral of this Blog: Dear God, sometimes I get angry so easily. Things go wrong, people don't act the way they should, someone's words rub me the wrong way. Help me, Father to control my emotions, my anger, to keep it from spilling out, hurting those around me. Remind me that usually when it comes right down to it, I'm angry simply because I can't have my own way. Give me strength to accept whatever You send into my life. Amen